The Tyranny of "The Shoulds"

WHAT AM I TO DO???

Sometimes it just seems like there is more I should be doing...not scheming, just actively participating in what God wants to accomplish in my life.  I get overwhelmed with all I should do, must do, and I finish each day feeling defeated because I didn't do all I should have done. Psalm 37 has given me something to think about regarding The Tyranny of The Shoulds:

• Don't worry about the wicked (attitude)
• Don't envy those who do wrong (attitude)
• Trust in the LORD and do good (attitude)
• Take delight in the LORD (attitude)
• Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him (attitude)
• Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act (attitude)
• Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes (attitude)
• Stop your anger! Turn from your rage (attitude)
• Do not envy others (attitude)
• Turn from evil and do good (action)
• The godly are generous givers (don't be stingy)  (attitude that manifests itself in an action)
• Don't be impatient for the LORD to act! Travel steadily along his path (attitude followed by an action)
• Look at those who are honest and good  (attitude)

Most of these commands are not about what I should be doing, but how I should be thinking and managing my feelings.  The only commands about what I should do are to turn from evil and do good, give generously, and walk the straight path of obedience.  Not very glorious a task, is it?  Sounds like "TRUST AND OBEY" to me!!

There are promised benefits for obeying these principles:

• Then you will live safely in the land and prosper 
• He will give you your heart's desires
• He will help you
• He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun
• Those who trust in the LORD will possess the land
• Those who are gentle and lowly will possess the land; they will live in prosperous security
• The LORD takes care of the godly. Day by day the LORD takes care of the innocent, and they will receive a reward that lasts forever
• They will survive through hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough
• The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD. He delights in every detail of their lives
• Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand
• I have never seen the godly forsaken, nor seen their children begging for bread
• The godly always give generous loans to others, and their children are a blessing
• For the LORD loves justice, and he will never abandon the godly. He will keep them safe forever
• The godly will inherit the land and will live there forever
• The LORD will not let the wicked succeed or let the godly be condemned when they are brought before the judge
• He will honor you, giving you the land. You will see the wicked destroyed
• A wonderful future lies before those who love peace
• The LORD saves the godly; he is their fortress in times of trouble
• The LORD helps them, rescuing them from the wicked. He saves them, and they find shelter in him.

TRUST AND OBEY

John H. Sammis 

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain:

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,

But His smile quickly drives it away;

Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,

Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay;

Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,

But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,

Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;

What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;

Never fear, only trust and obey.

Ears to Hear

Sometimes God's message to you ends up coming from your own mouth. We need to listen as well as we tell. Case in point (Conversation with Brooke this morning about what she will do when she gets back to the states to prepare to return to India full time):

(Brooke) As of now, I am a zoo animal...I can't say anything and I have to rely on someone else to feed me and when I go out people take pictures of me but knowing the language changes everything. I don't know...Ugh.

I'm frustrated and I don't know how to do what ever it is I'm supposed to do

(Me) Well, first of all, you have to be where you are. You already have something to do. And you need to do it well, do it faithfully. As you are faithful, God will give you more responsible things to do.

(Brooke) Ok. Yeah, you're right.

(Me) The frustration is a tool  of the enemy to keep you distracted and discontent. So fight your enemy. Know that God already knows the what and when. You simply have to follow.

(Brooke) I will. Thanks momma. I think I'd die if internet wasn't a thing in India. 

I'm late for prayer!!! I need to go. I love you mom. 

So umm, yeah. Frustration is a tool of the enemy to keep you distracted and discontent. Fight your enemy. Know that God already knows the what and the when. Be where you are. Be faithful. 

I think I'll go swallow the big pill I set in front of myself today...(gulp)

When Dreams Don't Come True (but something better happens)

For nine months, birth mothers develop a mental image of the child growing within them. Adoptive moms do likewise - though the time and circumstances may differ. We all have the "ideal" of who and what our child will be and become. 

Dreams and ideals are good - they motivate us to move toward a goal. They stimulate us, and sometimes give us hope when things are unsure. But what happens when the dream turns into a nightmare? 

My oldest child is precocious, charismatic, funny, and passionate. She has two colors in one eye, which is captivating to all that meet her. She is artistic, gifted in both music and sketching. Now, at age 21, she is passionately using her gifts in the poorest state of India to bring hope to orphans and abandoned children. 

When she was nine, we discovered that she had inherited a back disorder. This meant that certain activities were off limits, that pain was a regular part of her life, and that physical therapy and occasional pain management would be necessary through adulthood. 

At about age eleven, we visited a psychologist to explore her anxiety disorder, her ADHD, and to identify a learning disability that held her back in math. I was primarily concerned with the ADHD and learning disability as it related to homeschooling - I wanted to teach her in the way she could best learn. Even as a trained educator, I struggled with finding ways to communicate some concepts with her. However, the psychologist strongly recommended that we get her in for Behavioral Cognitive Therapy for the anxiety that had plagued her since toddlerhood. I put it off. But as we treated the ADHD and worked around the learning disability, and as puberty hit with a vengeance, it became abundantly clear that the anxiety/OCD severely limited her in a great many areas of her life. 

It was about this time that her disorders took a LOT of energy from me, her dad, and from her siblings who had to weather the storms with us. Finally I took her to a licensed therapist who used CBT to help with anxiety disorder/OCD. Medication became necessary to get her to a place where she could begin using the techniques designed to self-manage her anxiety. Within about two years, this little "tyrant" who seemed to take over the family dynamic had developed into a well-balanced young adult with a great compassion for those who don't "fit the mold". 

During all this, there was one, very important lesson I learned. God had a purpose for this little lady that He was molding and shaping into His image. He already had good works planned for her to do, and this time of near insanity for our family was all part of His wise plan in transforming her into the beautiful person she has become. But in order to become part of His team in this preparation, I had to "let the dream die". 

There was plenty of grieving for the person I had dreamed she would become - all the effort I put into making her an amazing adult had to be set aside for the Master Craftsman to do the work of chiseling and sanding her into the image He planned long ago. I needed to set aside my plans for His. It was no easy feat! 

You see, I've learned from all this that like you, I am a very self-centered human being. When it comes to relationships, both at home and within the church, we really have a lot of expectations that do not line up with God's plan for those we love - and those we struggle to love. I'm learning to check my motives in relationships. I'm learning to "let the dream die" and look forward to the amazing plan that God Himself has for the people in my life. 

It comes down to these two questions for me:

• Do I want others to be more like Jesus or do I desire them to be more like an idol I have fashioned with my own hands (imagination)?
• Do I want others to become who God designed them to be and to be pleasing to Him, or do I want them to become something that completes or satisifies me?

As I examine my own motives, I need to exchange my imperfect human will for His Divine Will in the lives of those He's placed me in relationship with. I need to accept my part in His all-wise lesson plans for each individual - loved one or annoying church member. 

Here's an old hymn that I love that beautifully expresses that exchange:

Not My Will 

If I ask for things that I should not ask for 
If I pray for things selfishly 
If I ask for myself and not for my neighbor 
Lift this veil from my eyes and let me see. 

"Not my will, thine by done," prayed Jesus. 
May this same prayer be mine every day. 
When this robe of flesh that I wear makes me falter, 
Guide my steps, hold my hand all the way. 

Check out this video of my 21-year-old and her fellow interns in India
http://vimeo.com/104043181

The GIFT of Mercy

mer·cy

ˈmərsē/

noun

1. 1.

   compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is 

   • 
     
2.      within one's power to punish or harm.
3.      "the boy was screaming and begging for mercy" 

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For most of my life I have had a flawed view of mercy. I am just now learning how I have blurred the lines of mercy and justice - of grace and consequence.

You see, when someone sins against me or anyone else, my first thought turns to WHY they did it. And if I can find a satisfactory reason for the poor behavior, I give them a "pass." I have thought this was being merciful, when in fact, it is not.

Mercy is something you grant to the guilty. You choose not to treat them in the manner they deserve. First and foremost, mercy acknowledges guilt and accepts that there should be consequences. I have failed miserably in this. I almost always excuse the transgressor. I fail to acknowledge that a consequence is in order.

I have not been merciful...I have been stupid, and I have allowed both loved ones and enemies alike to continue to behave poorly because I just can't bring myself to call their sin what it really is. I think this is largely because I fear being angry...I fear the resulting conflict if I acknowledge that a sin has occurred. But in reality, I cannot grant mercy to the innocent. Mercy is my gift when I first say, yes, that is wrong, but I choose to hold you harmless.

Another thing mercy is not - it is not standing in the way of deserved natural consequences, preventing those very consequences from reaching the guilty party. Mercy chooses not to require payment or demand restitution for the harm done.

Instead, I have often acted as a detour, a safety net, accepting or deflecting natural consequences which are useful in correcting repeated wrongdoing. In doing so, I have taken away from them the opportunity for personal growth. That is not mercy - indeed, it is cruelty! For when the offender repeats the offense, unaware that his behavior is unacceptable, I expose them to possible greater judgement or harsher consequences. While I may intercede on their behalf for God to show mercy to them, I must to leave the final decision to Him rather than running interference. Love may, at some point, demand me to become a substitute, but generally that is not the case. It's simply a place I like to put myself in order to avoid conflict and over-protect those I love. 

I confess, Lord, for abusing Your natural order in teaching Your children. Help me to do justly, love [true] mercy, and to walk humbly with You. Please help me to view mercy as a gift to the guilty, not as an excuse for wrongdoing.

The Value of God-confidence

Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish the truth when we observe ourselves. Outside voices tell us one thing, while our inner man tells us another. Are we really the person everyone thinks we are? But it isn’t so much what others think of us, or even what we ourselves think. It is what God thinks of us that truly matters.

So what does God think of us?? First of all, He created us in His image. Right from the very start, we have value as His creation. When we were lost in our sin, and horribly ugly to a Holy God, He valued us so much that He sent His Son to be the peace offering for our sin. Then, He accepted that sacrifice on our behalf. Once we have accepted His free gift of salvation, He declares us not guilty, then makes us His sons and co-heirs with Christ.

Jeremiah 17:9

The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?

But wait. What will happen when we blow it—when we fail? We still dwell in the flesh, and it cries out for satisfaction. Sometimes we cave and give in to the fleshly desires that war with our new spirit. What then? What happens when we show our true colors? Should we stand tall and build up our self-confidence? Should we remind ourselves that we can do it? Yet, if we look within ourselves, we will find the horrid truth. We are utterly worthless and faithless. Jeremiah 17:9says, “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” And Romans 3:12 says, “All have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is not who does good, there is not even one.” If these things are true, what good is self-confidence in our time of failure? Self-confidence says, “I can” and “I will.” But the scriptures tell us that we can’t and we won’t. It is at the time of our greatest failures when we must have God-confidence.

Romans 3:12

All have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is not who does good, there is not even one.

Peter was bursting with self-confidence, and there are many examples of that in the gospels. It was on display the night when Jesus told the disciples of His impending arrest and death—Peter vowed never to leave Jesus, even if it meant he had to die with Christ. Peter truly had confidence that he could and would fulfill this vow. But as Jesus predicted, he failed miserably, denying that He even knew Christ—not once but three times. After the death of Jesus, in utter despair, Peter returned to fishing. It was while He was fishing that the resurrected Savior spoke to Peter. Not once, but three times, Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him. Peter said yes, You know I love you. But Jesus didn’t leave it at that. This wasn’t a scolding, this was encouragement. He said, “If you love me, feed my sheep.” You see, Jesus was telling Peter that even though he had utterly failed Jesus, Jesus wasn’t through with him. He had more to do in and through Peter than he could ever imagine. Peter found out how faithless and useless he was. But Jesus was telling him how faithful and useful he was going to be, in Christ. This was where the God-confidence took over.

Peter now realized that God had a plan for him—a foreordained plan of good works that Peter would do. And, as Peter trusted in God’s plan and God’s enabling, he was able to achieve amazing things for God. It was this God-confidence that caused a fisherman to preach incredible sermons, to work miracles, to lead the new Jerusalem church. Was the denial Peter’s final failure? No, the book of Acts and other epistles rehearse more embarrassing moments for Peter. BUT GOD continued to work in and through Peter to establish the church.

This is what the scriptures say about God-confidence:

I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who gives me strength.
—Philippians 4:12-13

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
—Ephesians 2:4-10

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.
—1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Our identity and our value are wrapped up not only in what Christ has done for us, but also what He is yet doing with us. He is lovingly transforming us into the image of Christ.

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.
—1 Timothy 1:15-16

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.
—Romans 8:29

You see, beyond our standing as forgiven sons of God, we are also His workmanship. He not only sees who we are, but who we are becoming in Christ. He has fore-ordained good works for us to do, and gives us the power and the desire to do them. Our identity and our value are wrapped up not only in what Christ has done for us, but also what He is yet doing with us. He is lovingly transforming us into the image of Christ.

So when we begin to wonder if we’re really that spectacular person others see, or if we are really as awful as our old man would have us believe, let us look through the lens of the Spirit to see not who we are, but who we are becoming. And let’s begin to look at others that way as well. Let us not look at where they are in their walk with Christ, but where they are headed. Let us be the ones to cheer them on in their walk of faith, encouraging them to endure as God transforms them into the image of Christ.